Chiwawa Puppy!

When I started this project, I was so scared and afraid to show it to my father of confession. Satan fought the idea of the project intensely and many silly thoughts came into my mind. I was just a new member in the church in the United States and I just started serving in Sunday School. Serving is the air I breath to keep surviving and a main pillar for my self worth that addiction destroyed completely. As I grew spiritually I couldn't resist the urge to serve and tell other about my story to spread hope. But still the silly thoughts that Abouna would deny me from serving because of my sinful past scared me. So I chose to show the first draft which I wrote in Arabic to Abouna Luke Istefanous whom I knew from a different church other than mine. Abouna Luke Istefanous reaction to my first draft was amazing he wrote the following to me

"Lazarus your draft is amazing! It is written from the heart and goes to the heart. I have personally learned from this book. I believe we should pursue this project and get it printed with help from Abouna Tadros Malaty". When I heard Abouna Luke words I was filled with happiness and I felt unworthy. I am going to print a book with the help of Abouna Tadros Malaty! Abouna Tadros Malaty whom I was raised on his Bible commentaries and Bishops quote him as their teacher!

All fear disappeared from my heart after Abouna Luke's encouragement and I gave the same draft to my father of confession to read and he gave me a positive review also! Then one day Abouna Luke told me that we are meeting Abouna Tadros Malaty to show him the book draft and get his blessing on the project! I was thrilled! I printed a very nice copy of the draft and I got dressed even better than for a job interview!

When I first entered Abouna Tadros Malaty's house I found a little white chiwawa puppy running, and I said this is me! I am a little puppy coming to meet a giant Biblical scholar! When I started talking; I couldn't resist my tears! I cried about my past more than I talked about the book! I was like Isiah the prophet when I saw God's throne and cried saying

“Woe is me, for I am undone! Because I am a man of unclean lips, And I dwell in the midst of a people of unclean lips; For my eyes have seen the King, The Lord of hosts.” Isiah 6:5

Abouna Tadros skimmed through the pages, and asked Abouna Luke to write the preface to the book as he is knowledgeable in this field. I didn't say much as I was overwhelmed with my tears. Abouna Tadros smiled at me as father proud of his son. Oh God! You're proud of me with all of my sinful past! It's a day that I will never forget; it was the same moment as when God told Isiah

“Behold, this has touched your lips; Your iniquity is taken away, And your sin purged.”

Also I heard the voice of the Lord, saying:

“Whom shall I send, And who will go for Us?”

Then I said, “Here am I! Send me.”

Afterwards I moved with boldness in finishing my project. After I had another Golden opportunity to meet with Abouan Daoud Lamie and this time I was less scared. But I was still a little chiwawa visiting a great Bible scholar. This time the puppy grew a little more and matured a bit but I am still a puppy. When I mentioned pornography to Abouna Daoud he thought at the beginning that I am still addicted. His reaction was "May God have mercy on you and release you of this heavy bondage". I really loved how Abouna Daoud understands the nature of the beast! Porn is a bitter bondage that can only be released by God's grace. I explained to him the whole story and he smiled skimmed thought the book draft and encouraged me to finish the project. Abouna Daoud also gave me a lot of practical advises in presenting the book material.

This is how the little chiwawa puppy managed to write a book about his victory over porn addiction. I can't say more than thank you Lord for allowing me to finish this project! Truly God

" raises the poor out of the dust,And lifts the needy out of the ash heap" Psalm 113:7

#Lazarus