Porn Cravings

A common struggle for people recovering from porn addiction is dealing with cravings, which are strong desires to engage in a behavior similar to food cravings. It’s very important to recognize cravings because they act as precursors to engaging in watching porn. Cravings say, “Hey, we need to watch porn right now!” We stay stuck in our habits because we listen to that voice without thinking. Many times, we yield unconsciously to cravings without even recognizing the process. Recovery from porn addiction requires finding different ways of interacting with thoughts and feelings associated with our cravings to avoid automatically giving in. Cravings can come from internal cues, like sadness, so porn becomes a self-soothing method. Internal cues also include sleep deprivation and tiredness. External clues include sexual triggers in the environment, like skimpy clothing or explicit material displayed in public. 

            In the Book of Numbers, we find an example of craving, or remembering the sweetness of sin, in which the Israelites remembered Egypt and complained about the wilderness they were living in: “Now the mixed multitude who were among them yielded to intense craving; so the children of Israel also wept again and said: “Who will give us meat to eat? We remember the fish we ate in Egypt at no cost—also the cucumbers, melons, leeks, onions and garlic. But now we have lost our appetite; we never see anything but this manna!” (Numbers 11:4-6). Note that they’re complaining about manna, the heavenly food they received from God! They’re living in freedom with God, and they remember and crave slavery in Egypt. God’s manna wasn’t enough, and they craved melons, leeks, and onions! St. John Chrysostom explains this passage, saying, “Prosperity has a way of bringing about the downfall and complete dissolution of the unwary. Thus, the Jews, who from the beginning enjoyed the favor of God, repeatedly turned to the law of the kingdom of the Gentiles. When they were in the desert, after receiving manna, they kept recalling onions!”[1]. Thus, in the days of prosperity, we should keep ourselves humble and avoid attachment to luxurious items, lest when we separate, we don’t see God's blessing, as we’re too attached to luxurious items. That’s why many aesthetes and monks choose poverty to avoid attachment to frills so that they remain humble. 

The issue here isn’t about desiring, but rather acting on the desire, Saint Augustine explains, saying, “Do we not see that the Israelites got to their own hurt what their guilty lusting craved? For while manna was raining down on them from heaven, they desired to have meat to eat. They disdained what they had, and they shamelessly sought what they had not, as if it were not better for them to have asked not that their unbecoming desires be gratified with food that was wanting, but that their own dislike be removed, and that they be made to receive rightly the food that was provided. For when evil becomes our delight and good is the opposite, we ought to entreat God to win us back to the love of the good, rather than to grant us the evil”[1]. Truly, when we’re tempted, we should pray to God to remove temptation, not to fulfill our evil desires. That’s the difference between a victorious person and a fallen person. A victorious person desires the same as a fallen person, but the former doesn’t act on their desires. Instead, they control their desires and pray for evil desires to be removed. Saint Augustine clarifies this idea further in another quote, stating, “The people in the desert deserved to be reprimanded, not because they desired meat, but because they murmured against the Lord as a result of this desire for meat.” Therefore, the issue is in the rebellion and murmur as a result of desire, not desire itself. They failed to deal with desire and yielded to sin. 

A beautiful story from the paradise of desert fathers clarifies further what Saint Augustine says. The story explains how to react to lustful thoughts and how to pray so that these evil desires are removed. In the story, a brother says to an elder, “My thoughts won’t leave me any rest. This is why I am so disappointed.”

            The elder replies, “If a devil has planted some thoughts in you, do not interact with them. It is their business to constantly sow these seeds, but they can never force anyone to accept them. It is up to you whether to accept them or not. Do you not recall the people of Midian—how they adorned their daughters in beauty and showed them off? Yet, they did not force any of the children of Israel to fornicate with them. There were some among the children of Israel who wanted to mix with them, and some who did not go anywhere near them. Likewise, there were also those who resented them and partook in their slaughter. This is precisely how monks react to the thoughts that Satan makes them obsess over.”

            The brother then asked, “What shall I do, father? How can I set myself to the task at hand? I am weak and overcome with hunger. I do not have the strength to overcome these thoughts.”

            The elder answered, “If they put the thoughts in you, do not react to them. Rather, run away. Run to God with prayer and prostration. Ask Him for mercy. Say to Him, ‘O God, have mercy on me. Dispel these thoughts from me through your great power, for I am weak and cannot overcome them.’ ” 

            The brother then said, “Whenever I stand to pray, I feel no modesty or humility. I do not understand the meaning of my words or the power hidden within them.”

            The elder replied, “You have heard how Abba Moses and the company of elders said this saying, ‘The charmer does not understand the significance of the words he uses to charm, yet the serpent feels their influence and comes out.’ It is the same with us. We might not understand what we are saying, but the demons know and depart from us.”

            Note Verse 4 of the biblical story, which states “Now the mixed multitude who were among them yielded to intense craving” (Numbers 11:4). Interestingly, the phrase “intense craving” suggests an addictive situation. Most likely, a trigger made them remember the pleasure of food. This is very similar to what happens in porn addiction when a trigger stimulates cravings for porn. To understand this, let’s discuss Pavlovian conditioning. Ivan Pavlov was a Russian researcher who became famous for his dog experiments. One day, he noticed that at meal times, the dogs would salivate—not only when they saw their food, but also when they first heard their keeper’s footsteps. Pavlov was interested in this discovery, so he began to experiment. He started ringing a bell every time he fed the dogs. Sure enough, the dogs began to salivate whenever they heard the bell. Fundamentally, what Pavlov discovered is that our brains can form subconscious associations between things, even if these things may seem unrelated. Once individuals form these associations, they can experience powerful psychological, emotional, and physiological responses [2]. We need to be aware of our subconscious associations and not yield to them, similar to how Saint Augustine and the elder recommended not to act on cravings. Furthermore, the phrase “mixed multitude” is translated from the word asafsuf, which means, “the people that joined themselves with Israel when they left from Egypt.” Therefore, the Israelites echoed complaints by foreigners traveling with them. This illustrates the importance of being mindful of our company and people around us. Negative attitudes and comments from people around us can undermine our faith and make us sin. We need to avoid spending time with those who drag us down and seek out people who build us up and strengthen us.  

In another instance, the Israelites criticized Moses. As the story goes, “That night, all the members of the community raised their voices and wept aloud. All the Israelites grumbled against Moses and Aaron, and the whole assembly said to them, ‘If only we had died in Egypt! Or in this wilderness! Why is the Lord bringing us to this land only to let us fall by the sword? Our wives and children will be taken as plunder. Wouldn’t it be better for us to go back to Egypt?’ And they said to each other, ‘We should choose a leader and go back to Egypt’” (Numbers 14:1-4). In the Book of Acts, Saint Stephen commented about the Israelites’ rebellion, stating, “But our ancestors refused to obey him (Moses). Instead, they rejected him and in their hearts turned back to Egypt” (Acts 7:39). Note that the rebellion starts in the heart; every sin starts with an intention in the heart. Technically, you sin in your mind before actually sinning. As Jesus said: “But I say to you that whoever looks at a woman to lust for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart” (Matthew 5:28). Note that the word “heart” is used in both verses. This word is very important in the Bible, as it shows up in 922 verses and is used to refer figuratively to feelings, intellect, or the mind. Truly, a man’s status is reflected in his heart: “As in water face reflects face, So a man’s heart reveals the man” (Proverbs 27:19). God is interested in your heart first, and your thoughts definitely will translate into actions. There are people who do good deeds as a cover for their fallen status, or they do good deeds as a trap for naive souls. However, God cares most about the heart because it’s the true measure of your intentions: ”For the righteous God tests the hearts and minds” (Psalm 7:9). Examine your heart, self-test yourself, and regularly clean your heart and mind to comply with the Lord. Pray with the psalmist saying “Let the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart, Be acceptable in Your sight, O Lord, my strength and my Redeemer” (Psalm 19:14).

In the Book of Genesis, we find another story about a man whose heart wasn’t set on the Lord to the point that he compromised his religion because he craved pleasure. I’m speaking of Esau. In Genesis 25, we read, “Now Jacob cooked a stew; and Esau came in from the field, and he was weary. And Esau said to Jacob, ‘Please feed me with that same red stew, for I am weary.’ Therefore, his name was called Edom. But Jacob said, ’Sell me your birthright as of this day.’ And Esau said, ‘Look, I am about to die; so what is this birthright to me?’ Then Jacob said, ‘Swear to me as of this day.’ So, he swore to him, and sold his birthright to Jacob. And Jacob gave Esau bread and stew of lentils; then he ate and drank, arose, and went his way. Thus, Esau despised his birthright.” Let’s first explain birthright, which is the eldest son's role as chief inheritor of his father's estate, as well as head of the family and clan when the father dies. Birthright also involves exercising the role of priest in offering sacrifices on the whole family’s behalf. This role was abolished with the establishment of the Aaronic priesthood. Ultimately, birthright also meant that Esau was the direct heir to the promise of earthly blessing granted to Abraham in Genesis [4,5,6]. In summary, having birthright meant a great spiritual blessing that Esau despised and didn’t respect. Imagine a priest giving up his priesthood because he’s hungry! Imagine a Christian giving up his faith because he craved lentil soup! Esau definitely should have said “no” and reached out for food from other members of the family—especially when his dad was alive. There was no coercion by Jacob in this situation whatsoever because Esau had the choice to refuse, and he wouldn’t lose much by refusing. The truth is that Esau traded his birthright for a bowl of stew to fill his empty stomach. He was indifferent to the things in life that were really important (priesthood, blessings from God). His primary concern was to satisfy his immediate physical needs, with no thought at all for his future. He hadn't learned how to delay gratification. Truly, “For what profit is it to a man if he gains the whole world, and loses his own soul? Or what will a man give in exchange for his soul?” (Matthew 16:26). The lesson that Esau needed to learn is very important for all of us in spiritual life. We need to see things in the long view, which means evaluate their long-term effects and impact on our lives. If we can picture the positive, long-range results of Godly life, we’ll be able to give up the momentary pleasures that keep us from getting there. As Saint Efrem the Syrian says, “Esau did not sell it because he was hungry, but rather, since it had no value to him, he sold it for nothing as if it were nothing” [7].

            Let’s apply this story to porn addiction. First, know the value of your faith and visualize the reward at the end of the long journey. Realize that you’re born in His image, He died for you, and He’ll give you power to defeat the forces of evil. If these facts are engraved in your mind, you’ll keep fighting, and you won’t give up quickly when challenged by cravings. Second, bodily weakness increases your vulnerability to cravings. If you’re tired, hungry, or stressed, these are typical triggers for cravings, and you need to be aware of them. Third, don’t exaggerate your stress to create excuses. See here Esau what said,  “Look, I am about to die; so what is this birthright to me?” This  statement is full of exaggerations, and to set the record straight, exaggeration is a form of lying, and the worst-ever lie is when people lie to themselves and believe their lies. Esau wasn’t about to die, and assuming he were, wouldn’t it have been very honorable to die refusing to give up his birthright? Esau believed his exaggerations using pure materialistic thinking with no spiritual element in it whatsoever. He despised this faith because of his fear of death. He despised the very faith that could save him from death. In Hebrews, Chapter 12, we read about Esau from the Apostle Paul, who states that “looking carefully lest anyone fall short of the grace of God; lest any root of bitterness springing up cause trouble, and by this many become defiled; lest there be any fornicator or profane person like Esau, who for one morsel of food sold his birthright. For you know that afterward, when he wanted to inherit the blessing, he was rejected, for he found no place for repentance, though he sought it diligently with tears” (Hebrews 12:15-17).

To conclude with a positive example of controlling cravings, let’s read 1 Chronicles 11:15-19: “Now three of the thirty chief men went down to the rock to David, into the cave of Adullam, while the army of the Philistines was camping in the valley of Rephaim. David was then in the stronghold, while the garrison of the Philistines was then in Bethlehem. David had a craving and said, ‘Oh, that someone would give me water to drink from the well of Bethlehem, which is by the gate!’ So, the three broke through the camp of the Philistines and drew water from the well of Bethlehem, which was by the gate, and took it and brought it to David; nevertheless, David would not drink it, but poured it out to the LORD; and he said, ‘Be it far from me before my God that I should do this. Shall I drink the blood of these men who went at the risk of their lives? For at the risk of their lives they brought it.’ Therefore, he would not drink it. These things the three mighty men did.” Notice that the men risked their lives by going to the enemy camp to obtain water for David. On this basis, David equated drinking the water with drinking the blood of his men that could have been shed. Therefore, David refused to drink and poured it on the floor. Similarly, we should refuse to consume porn and report it if possible. The porn we watch is most likely produced by women risking their lives. Porn is most likely produced by trafficked individuals who often are exploited in more than one way. Some traffickers take pornographic photos of victims as a means of control, threatening to shame them by exposing the photos to their families [8-10]. Traffickers then sell the content by uploading it to porn sites while simultaneously exploiting the victims through prostitution. In other cases, survivors are exploited solely for the purpose of producing pornography. If a minor is involved in commercial sexual activity, it's classified as human trafficking—without question or exception, i.e., exploitation through child sexual abuse (sometimes referred to as child pornography) always can be classified as sex trafficking. The fact of the matter is that sex trafficking in porn is a much bigger issue than most people realize. According to cases reported to the National Human Trafficking Hotline, pornography was the third-most common form of sex trafficking, after escort services and illicit massage businesses [8]. We see a great example here of David repenting over his own weakness and denying himself pleasure, which is a sign of true repentance. Whenever you encounter porn, refuse to consume it and report it, please. 

References 

1-Lienhard, Joseph T.; Oden, Thomas C.. Exodus, Leviticus, Numbers, Deuteronomy: Volume 3 (Ancient Christian Commentary on Scripture) (p. 216). InterVarsity Press. Kindle Edition.

2-Drug, Fight the New. “Why Porn Can Be Difficult to Quit.” Fight the New Drug, 14 May 2024. https://fightthenewdrug.org/why-porn-can-be-difficult-to-quit/.

3-Rubin, Barry, ed. The Complete Jewish Study Bible: Insights for Jews & Christians: Illuminating the Jewishness of God’s Word. Translated by David H. Stern. Peabody, Massachusetts, [Clarksville, Maryland]: Hendrickson Bibles; Messianic Jewish Publishers & Resources, 2021.

4-Rubin, Barry, ed. The Complete Jewish Study Bible: Insights for Jews & Christians: Illuminating the Jewishness of God’s Word. Translated by David H. Stern. Peabody, Massachusetts, [Clarksville, Maryland]: Hendrickson Bibles; Messianic Jewish Publishers & Resources, 2021.